submitted by Harry Cline
For many family caregivers, caring for aging parents is a labor of love. Elderly parents may act out, lash out, and refuse to cooperate with the very people who care for them. But while these may seem like signs of a fracturing parent-child relationship, more often they’re symptoms of a senior’s stress and fears about aging.
Growing older can be scary. From a loss of independence to the loss of family and friends, aging comes with a lot of challenges. While some seniors manage to take those challenges in stride, many develop mental health concerns and exhibit difficult behavior.
This can be hard for family caregivers to deal with, but it’s important to empathize and respond constructively to senior misbehavior. Here are some tips from ElderCARE to help you get started.
Having to Leave Their Home
Odds are, your parents don’t mind an extra hand around the house. But if they shut down when you suggest downsizing or moving to assisted living, it’s time to change your tactic. The truth is, seniors aren’t just attached to their homes. They’re attached to their independence. Having to leave home is a sign that they’re not as able as they used to be, and that can be hard to come to terms with. Rather than suggesting assisted living from the outset, talk to your parents about their challenges at home and brainstorm solutions together.
Another option worth considering is renting, since that comes with less responsibilities. Luckily, there are plenty of options out there, including over 40 available apartments in Waukegan alone, so you can search by price as well as amenities. If you decide to live closer, you can also be of greater assistance as you help your beloved seniors plan their next move.
Giving senior parents a sense of control over the decision makes the transition easier. Many caregivers find it helpful to set up tours of assisted living facilities so elderly parents can see that modern senior communities are vibrant, social places and not the isolating facilities they’re imagining. That’s especially important for seniors who are starting to face loneliness at home, as isolation has been proven to be detrimental to senior health.
Developing Dementia
Is your senior parent stubborn about doing things themselves? Many seniors see dementia as a life-ending diagnosis. As a result, they hide any sign that they’re struggling to get by alone. Not only does a reluctance to admit they need help increase frustration in seniors’ daily lives, it’s also dangerous. A senior who is afraid to admit cognitive decline could end up lost, in a car accident, or a victim of financial fraud.
Since struggling with everyday tasks can make seniors anxious and defensive, avoid commenting in the moment and instead, offer help and bring up your concerns another time. Discuss the changes you’ve noticed but avoid judgmental language. Consider timing the conversation shortly before a doctor’s appointment so you can follow up with your loved one’s primary care doctor soon after.
Losing Their Spouse
For many senior couples, their spouse is their primary form of companionship. A husband or wife is a source of company in the senior years and someone to share the duties and expenses of the home. When that spouse dies, Psychology Today notes that it can mark a significant change in a senior’s financial, mental, and physical well-being. In some cases, seniors stop caring for themselves or lose motivation to leave the house.
The best way to make grief easier on senior widows and caregivers alike is to prepare for a death before it arrives. Completing senior loved ones’ estate plans, pre-planning funerals, and getting financial matters in order while both parents are living alleviates several sources of stress after a spouse passes. Some seniors choose to purchase final expense insurance to help cover the costs of their funeral (and other expenses like unpaid medical bills).
Worthy points out that caregivers should also increase the amount of support an aging parent receives after the death of a spouse. By surrounding seniors with a strong support network, families can encourage seniors to stay engaged after widowhood.
It’s not easy to be patient and understanding when a senior loved one makes caregiving difficult. However, responding to the fears of aging with kindness and understanding – including finding an accessible home – helps both seniors and their caregivers address challenges with grace. While aging may not be easy, the support of loving family members makes all the difference in a senior’s journey.
Core services at ElderCARE included friendly visits, grocery shopping, and escorted transportation to medical appointments. Give us a call today to learn more! (847) 406-4683